One of my favourite communication tools to teach clients is active listening. This can be helpful no matter what situation you apply it to. Be it a conversation with your boss, a disagreement with your partner, or hearing your child out. A great example of active listening is the Imago Structured Dialogue.

Created by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt, the Imago Structured Dialogue contains three key aspects of active listening: mirroring, validation, and empathy. Mirroring is simply reflecting back to the speaker what you heard them tell you. This ensures you’re on the same page as far as what’s being communicated. Validation is telling the speaker that what they’re feeling and communicating makes sense – that it is valid. Keep in mind that validation is not the same thing as agreement. That’s very important. Empathy creates a connection by letting the speaker know that you understand and even feel their feelings. You (the listener) are attuned to the speaker and can relate to them on an emotional level.

All of this takes place while taking turns. You may have noticed I referred to the conversationalists as “speaker” and “listener.” Active listening really hinges on turn-taking to allow each person to get their thoughts out, confirm what they’re saying is being understood by the other person, and to leave the conversation feeling heard. So the next time you approach a conversation, give active listening a try and see if it feels different to you.