Setting healthy boundaries can be one of the most challenging aspects of being in a relationship – especially for those of us who tend toward people pleasing. You may feel like you’re being rude or difficult, but having boundaries that protect your energy and your physical self is important. And you can implement those boundaries in kind, gentle ways.

Healthy boundaries show others how to treat us. They empower us to prioritize ourselves when we need to. They also help guide us on how to treat other people. If we have our own boundaries to think of, then we also become considerate of others’. You may be thinking, “okay, but where do I start?” That’s a good question. You can start by writing down your core values and beliefs. Think about what’s most important to you, what makes you happy, and what your needs are. From there, you can determine who you want to surround yourself with in your personal life. Who makes you feel good? What drains your energy? Who and what do you feel comfortable with? When you think about it, this is really an exercise in getting to know yourself on a deeper level.

Once you’ve sorted out what your boundaries are, start putting them into place. Let your friend know that staying out late is too much for you and that you’d like to go home. Tell your partner that their “little jabs” are actually hurtful and ask them to stop. Take a weekend off from helping family members if you’re feeling burned out. And once these boundaries are implemented, stick to them. It may feel uncomfortable, but you’re taking care of yourself in doing so.

Keep in mind that you can be flexible when you feel it’s appropriate. Perhaps you have the energy to stay out a little later tonight. That’s ok! Focus on your present moment experience by listening to your body and doing what feels right for you. And as you evolve and change as a person, so, too, will your boundaries. Allow them to change with you.

Setting boundaries is a practice. If you feel you need some help in figuring out what your boundaries are and how to keep them in place, schedule a free consultation to see how I can be of assistance.