Sex and intimacy are two very important topics to discuss in couples therapy. You may have flinched just a moment ago at that statement, and you wouldn’t be alone in doing so. For many people, sexual intimacy in particular can feel awkward to bring up in therapy. But why is that? It could be because the culture in which you grew up shrouds sex in secrecy and/or shame. Or perhaps your parents didn’t speak to you openly about sex when it was time because they, too, felt awkward bringing it up. It could also be that sex was uncomfortable, or even traumatic, for you at some point and it’s painful to discuss. Whatever the reason may be, sex and intimacy are crucial parts of the conversation in couples therapy.

For some couples, intimacy may feel like a distant memory – and not necessarily by choice. Your therapist will likely speak with you about the quality of your intimate interactions, any feelings that come up around them, and goals you would like to reach. Remember that therapy should feel like a safe, supportive place, so if any time you feel uncomfortable continuing the conversation, let your therapist know.

Some more things to keep in mind when bringing sex and intimacy into therapy: there is no “normal” – each couple’s experience is unique and is negotiated between partners. Pleasure cannot exist in the presence of shame, pressure, or coercion – consent should always be obtained and can be revoked at any time. Consider how you define pleasure, both for yourself and your partner – this can help facilitate the conversation around bringing sex and intimacy back into your relationship. Lastly, trust is of the utmost importance. If there are any issues of trust present, I suggest you start by discussing that in your couple sessions and working on it collaboratively.